Friday, June 5, 2009
Below are the official slap bet rules:
THE BILL OF SLAPS
1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.
2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.
3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper's hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee's cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you're seeing handprint on cheek, you're doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man's slap (rule 8.)
4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.
5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.
6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.
7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.
8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it's preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee's face thereby earning maximum slappage.
9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they've just got slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)
10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!
WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW?! is a new type of film. It is part documentary, part story, and part elaborate and inspiring visual effects and animations. The protagonist, Amanda, played by Marlee Matlin, finds herself in a fantastic Alice in Wonderland experience when her daily, uninspired life literally begins to unravel, revealing the uncertain world of the quantum field hidden behind what we consider to be our normal, waking reality. She is literally plunged into a swirl of chaotic occurrences, while the characters she encounters on this odyssey reveal the deeper, hidden knowledge she doesn?t even realize she has asked for. Like every hero, Amanda is thrown into crisis, questioning the fundamental premises of her life ? that the reality she has believed in about how men are, how relationships with others should be, and how her emotions are affecting her work isn?t reality at all!
It would be an international crime to reveal too much of the jeweled clockwork plot of Le Carré's first masterpiece, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. But we are at liberty to disclose that Graham Greene called it the "finest spy story ever written," and that the taut tale concerns Alec Leamas, a British agent in early Cold War Berlin. Leamas is responsible for keeping the double agents under his care undercover and alive, but East Germans start killing them, so he gets called back to London by Control, his spy master. Yet instead of giving Leamas the boot, Control gives him a scary assignment: play the part of a disgraced agent, a sodden failure everybody whispers about. Control sends him back out into the cold--deep into Communist territory to checkmate the bad-guy spies on the other side. The political chessboard is black and white, but in human terms the vicinity of the Berlin Wall is a moral no-man's land, a gray abyss patrolled by pawns. Le Carré beats most spy writers for two reasons. First, he knows what he's talking about, since he raced around working for British Intelligence while the Wall went up. He's familiar with spycraft's fascinations, but also with the fact that it leaves ideals shaken and emotions stirred. Second, his literary tone has deep autobiographical roots. Spying is about betrayal, and Le Carré was abandoned by his mother and betrayed by his father, a notorious con man. (They figure heavily in his novels Single & Single and A Perfect Spy.) In a world of lies, Le Carré writes the bitter truth: it's every man for himself. And may the best mask win.